Fat and BDSM
Posted by stacycat on April 23, 2009
I am fat. I also am into BDSM.
Recently, there have been a couple of posts that I have read about this intersection.
First, Mollena writes the FatGirl Pervert Rants. See, at most BDSM educational events, there are demonstrations of techniques. And there is a call for demo bottoms. Of which, the majority tend to be smaller and younger women. The “scene” itself tends to be mostly older and average to larger individuals. Yet, we buy into the societal myth that younger and smaller is better, so we only see BDSM demonstrated on smaller individuals.
I happen to like fat BDSM. Our skin compresses differently in rope and bondage. Our fat jiggles in cool ways during impact play. We have lots of points that can be poked and pinched and bitten. And, of course, we have lots of skin and sensitive areas for those soft and fluffy scenes.
“But,” you might ask. “Arent there scenes that fat people cant do? Like, being suspended with rope?” Nope. This is a post that debunks the myths that fat people cannot be suspended. Granted, as a fat person who is into suspension, I want to know that the suspension rig will support my weight. Besides that, there is no reason why my fat ass cant be suspended :) (And, I have been, Twice, by the lovely Lolita :)
Ammre writes about how fat women are portrayed within the BDSM scene. And now it is us that can spread the message that, yes, fat women are in the scene, and yes, we have awesome bondage and impact and rope and other sadistic scenes. And we even have awesome sex!
I am sad that we live in a world that does not believe this.
Yes, I have fallen victim to this. I had a hard time accepting my changing body, and the sagging skin that came along with it. Watching a porn that Gabe and Elizabeth from Pornocracy made really helped. Elizabeth had recently gone through the same sort of body transformation as I had. And, watching her on the screen, and seeing how beautiful she was while having sex, made me realize how seeing non model type bodies makes things more real and beautiful for me.
I have been in discussions with a few people about a book project with models of all types, especially those that have been ignored by “mainstream.” How many people would be interested in a project like this? Either buying the finished product or modeling for it?
Shii said
Hello,
I ran into this post by complete accident, but I am now very glad that I did. Thank you so much for writing this. I have been my Master’s sub for almost a year now, and there have been many times where this has caused me to be insecure with my body, something that was previously not a problem. I would read many articles about how a sub/slave should be slim and fit for their Dom, and that it was only the thin, tiny, and cute subs that were worthy. I would look at my soft, curvy body, and be disgusted and shamed, like I was failing my role. I’ve recently realized that it is ridiculous to have this type of sub represent the whole community, and that like in every relationship, all bodies are appreciated by different people. So, thank you, for speaking out and sharing resources :)
-Shii
ugh said
For what it’s worth, as a dominant male, I’ve found that curvier to outright “fat” playmates were more apt to enjoy (or just be honest with their kinks, and interests) bdsm. They were just more down for having good sex, and pushing their own limits for whatever reason, in a way that’s a lot more rare amongst skinnier women. I don’t know if it has something to do with self esteem, or the body type (being built a little more solid may lend itself to taking more abuse?) or just the voodoo statistics that larger women have better more orgasmic sex.
Croix said
I have been around a bit. I know what I like and don’t, and what works and doesn’t, at least for me. That said…
Thin girls bruise me. All sharp points and jabby bits.
Also, they tend, as far as I’ve noticed, to get hurt the wrong parts in BDSM. Bruising is good, even if (Or especially, IMO) the marks last for days and days. On the other hand, sprains, pulls torn ligaments, and general joint pain are NOT good things. It seems, and this is just my feeling based on my personal observation, that skinny, bony or thinner partners do not recover as quickly.
Speedy recovery is good; it leads to speedy repeat sessions. More of a good thing.
p.s. I do not mean to offend with terms like “skinny” or “bony”. I don’t even know if people find those terms offensive. I know some folks don’t like the term “fat” so I guess it could go the other way around, as well. Hmmm… that might be an interesting blog subject… if I blogged. Feel free to use it. :)